MIM'S STORY - Part 3

I chose to be real.......
Most of the time all I could say was "Oh God, Oh God," or "I'm scared.....

I found safe friends.
They offered their hearts and home whenever I needed them.
They offered to listen and not judge me no matter what I said.
They offered me tears instead of answers.
The offered me time and love instead of suggestions to make me better.
My friends held onto truth for me when I couldn't.

Job said it this way: A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.

I needed to go to church, to be in a community, especially on the days I didn't feel like it.

I needed to serve.

I needed to read the Bible. All I could do at first was read a few verses over and over. I needed God's comfort and assurance he was with me. The Bible stirred up all kinds of feelings. I found parts of me that were mad at God. Those feelings had to be faced, by reading scripture they were revealed to me. I chose to be real with God. I found out he was willing to meet me where I was. He was faithful.

Finally, I needed to worship. My worship said, I acknowledge you are God...despite what I feel. My circumstances do not affect or define God's goodness.

I'll close with this story:

In the midst of my divorce, I attended a Women's conference in Chicago. I thought it would be fun to go with women from my church. It never occured to me I would see people that weren't current with all that had happened in my life. I was undone at the registration table when someone welcomed me saying, "Oh Mim, how's your baby? I heard you were pregnant."

I smiled and didn't say anything. Only to move onto someone else saying, "OH MIM, I AM SO SORRY. I heard you got divorced."

By the time I was seated, I was a basket case. It was as if I was reliving three years in ten minutes; each innocent but difficult question felt like a stab in my heart. I excused myself and went upstairs to my hotel room where I lay down, broken hearted.

I decided to borrow a car and leave. Then I heard God say, "Mim, that's not how you respond. That's not who you are. You don't run. Stay. I am here with you."

How could I refuse? I went back downstairs and sat like a robot, somehow making it through the first evening. I told the women what was happening, and they prayed for me and cried with me. The next morning I went into the conference with a little peace and some awareness of God.

After a few worship songs, I realized I was singing and worshiping. Suddenly my heart unlocked and I poured out my feelings of self-hatred, anger toward my ex-husband, and distrust of God. I was weak when I was done, but as soon as I finished pouring out my heart I felt God pour His presence into my empty heart with words of mercy.

My whole being was being filled with JOY! I felt JOY for the first time in 3 years. JOY in the midst of deep pain. Joy when bitterness and anger would have been normal.

I was undone, and you know what? It lasted. It wasn't just a weekend or conference experience. The joy carried me through my first broken wedding anniversary. The joy brought me hope and peace. Once again my Jesus was faithful to me. He gave me peace in the midst of deep turmoil, His presence instead of an emptiness.

God asks me to read His word to reveal himself, and He did. God askes me to stay in commnunity and be real and he was able to bring life to me because I was available. God asked me to worship and in one worship session, I experienced more healing than in years of counseling! God asked me to be real, to chose to follow Him. He asks for a good reason.

It is true that what God asks us to do brings us life. God redeems the broken. I am not telling you that I'm perfect or even healed...but I can pass the good news that God is faithful. God keeps His word. He wants and desires a relationship. He was faithful to me. He replaced pain and sorrow with JOY. He planted a deep desire in me to live and live in truth.

My journey into healing followed my conscious decision to say I'm willing to live in pain. I had to decide to do the opposite of what I felt like doing.

Psalm 18 was written by David when his friend Saul was trying to kill him.
6-In my distress I called to the LORD. I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice, my cry came before him, into his ears.
16-He reached down from on high and took hold of me, he drew me out of deep waters.
17-He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.
19-He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Pain demands a response. This is how God responds when we call on Him.
How will you respond? Today choose to move closer to God, to experience His faithfulness, mercy and truth.