The End Of The Journey - The Beginning Of New Life
Following the time when my husband left us, I fell into a terrible depression and really began to question everything. But to whom could I turn? If you dared speak anything negative you were considered to be Satan's seed and you would be shunned. With time the messages and revelations became more distorted, even including some Hindu influences. There were times I would desperately call out to the Lord for deliverance and understanding.....Now we were required to have all night chain praises. Laurie decided that from 11 pm to 6 am we would sing and praise. In fact he had overseers that would watch and make certain that we wouldn't fall asleep or stop. We became exhausted.
One day I was bitten by a scorpion at the end of my great toe. The pain was excruciating. What was the local remedy?? They took a needle to make the hole significantly larger, then packed it with sea salt. Just when I thought I could endure no more, they then lit the salt on fire and the pain that radiated up my leg was definitely a ten!!!! However, when the pain subsided, I had no more problem as I am certain any poison was cauterized. So what did I know about scorpion bites: I needed to trust their ancient methods; and by the grace of God it worked.
Now, at this time in Madras state there were some communistic uprisings and the state fell under Marshall control. For us this meant the political climate had changed towards foreigners and also that it was difficult to get food. I recall eating rice that was rancid because it had gotten wet. It smelled like pig manure when cooked. However, we were so hungry, that we would close our noses in order to swallow and get something into our stomach. I remember stripping leaves off trees and trying to cook them so the children would have some form of vitamins.
The German, Swiss and US governments had advised their citizens to return home. Now many of the residents were contacting relatives at home for return tickets and leaving. There was no choice now for Laurie but to allow the people to leave, it was beyond his control. Because Canadians were part of the Commonwealth, they were not asked to leave. Finally, in July 1977 the Indian government informed me that my eight your old American son would have to leave; thus was the hatred toward Americans at this time. It was then that I was allowed to contact my now ex-husband. He was faithful to his promise and did send return tickets.
Upon my arrival in Canada, I made a collect call to the children's daddy. He happened to be home that day sick and we were able to talk briefly. To my shock he arrived the very next morning with his new wife, even before I was awake. I was terrified, thinking that he would take the children away from me now. As we faced each other we began to cry and it became apparent to all present, that there was still love between us. As I had faithfully told the children over the years that they had a wonderful daddy that loved them there was no fear for them to see him, only joy. That day they spent with him. Later he requested that I return to the United States so that he could spend more time with his children, and I concurred.
The culture shock was horrendous. I knew nothing of 'Watergate', fashion, changes of the past six years. After almost eleven years away from the workforce, I would return to nursing to try to support myself and my children. The spiritual confusion was worst of all. I had lost my reality with truth. I was taught that all denominations were of the Babylon system and now to whom should I turn to for support and fellowship?? Oh yes, I continued to pray, but my theology was wrong and I had believed a deceiving spirit. What I actually needed was to be 're-programed', but at that time it did not seem available.
After months of sleepless nights, I finally made a decision to seek help from a minister. When I shared my story with him, I could see he was at a loss as to how to help or even pray for me. I left in despair. Emotionally, it was also difficult to remain in the same city as my former husband. I then moved five hundred miles away to pick up a relationship with a man I had known previously. Here I began to attend a small church where every Sunday I heard the message of the love of God and His mercy. This penetrated all my darkness and fear. How soothing it was to my wounded soul. For so long I had lived under fear, not love; bondage, not freedom; confusion, not truth. I had allowed someone else to tell me how to behave, what to believe rather than taking responsibility for my own spiritual growth. I now realized I needed deliverance from all the lies and thoughts that were still tormenting my mind. Would God forgive my blatant error, my willful sin? When I approached this minister, he simply told me to come after the service every Sunday evening and he would anoint me with oil and pray that my mind would be set free of all previous teachings. This is did. I can tell you that no longer do I, nor do I wish to recall the twisted doctrine of lies that I heard preached. For me, the struggle I had was accepting Gods' forgiveness. I was tormented with guilt realizing all the damage I had caused. My broken marriage, my children without their daddy in the home; I was so ashamed. Because of this shame I did not want to tell my story for years. I realize now that I should have had counseling, which may have saved much heartache in relationships, in matters of learning to trust again, or to accept authority. Decision making became extremely difficult for me as I would always second guess myself. The question always came up, "was I taking another wrong turn, was this decision going to impact someone else's life??"
Little by little the Holy Spirit would reveal these things as I struggled with them and helped to set me free and find balance again. More than ever before I saw the importance of 'rightly dividing the Word of Truth', and this became a mission for me as I studied the Bible. Anyone can read the Bible and make it say what they want to by taking scriptures out of context. I now ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the Word to me and let the Bible speak to me.
Some of the lessons I learned from all this:
1. Before you make major decisions, seek wise counsel from elders--and not among your peers or own fellowship group as they well only agree with your opinion.
2. Don't believe that anyone person or group holds all the truth or revealed word of God. This is arrogance. (read Ezk. 13-14) about prophets that prophesy out of their own imagination saying, "the Lord declares". Also in Rev. 22:18 about anyone that adds to or takes away from the word of God.
3. It is important to become mature in the use of Gods' word. Heb. 5:14 says, But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. Remember Satan often appears as an angel of light and many times sits in the front pews.
4. Fear the Lord; meaning to respect Him and hate sin as He does. Do not fear man or be ensnared by his words. Christ has set us free to live and be led by the Spirit.
5. Have a heart quickly ready to repent when you know you have taken a wrong path or listened to a wrong spirit. Arrogance and pride God resists, but with those of humble hearts He will restore by His grace.
I thank God everyday for His forgiveness and His restoring grace in my life. I pray that this testimony will bear witness to the mercy of God to deliver when we are led astray. He doesn't abandon us when we turn to Him with a heart full of repentance. In these days when there are many voices screaming for our attention and saying that we have the true way, stay with the simple truth of Gods' word and let Him guide you into all truth.
No comments:
Post a Comment