DIANE'S STORY

I was raised by intellectuals who professed that God is nothing more than a human manifestation of what we can't answer for ourselves, and they both totally believed in science. They truly were the Karl Sagen generation. However, we did go to church, the Methodist Church. At the age of seven we lived right next door to a Methodist Church. The parsonage was behind it. I absolutely loved visiting the pastors wife. She was probably the first real Christian in my life.

As I grew up and became more sophisticated, and being an individual, decided to take my own path to true enlightenment. This included Baba Remdos, Metaphysics, Interpersonal Dynamics, etc.

In my 40's I realized that everything I had based my decisions on was worthless. There was a song out by Simply Red called, "Holding Back the Years". One of the lyrics went like this, "holding back the tears, because nothing had a chance to be good, because nothing ever could". It expressed the condition of my life. I had failed on every level, as a mother, wife and I felt, as a person. I was a walking cadaver. I had been married twice. My first husband deserted us. Us being my blind, autistic, retarded daughter, who was now in a group home. The second was a physically abusive, very well decorated Vietnam Vetern. My life was a shambles. Where do you turn? I felt I had no choice. Either I could continue on the same path, and expect different results or I could change my path. I thought it smarter to change my course completely, so began my seeking God.

I took courses at Portland State, in Women's Spirituality, part of the women's studies program. Some of it was great, and some I could have lived without. Especially the part about Wicca's and Witches. Because I had felt that I had known God as a child, I decided the intellectual path was the wrong way for me to seek Him. So I regressed to that very special and spiritual place that I had known Him as a child. Growing up I spent many hours in the woods. Basically I'd only return home if I was hungry or tired. I experienced God in those places with the beauty of His creation all around me. I started to talk to Him, and I had a sense that He was always with me.

As an adult I had to return to that simple understanding and faith. So I started to seek a church, a body of believers, that could help me with my journey. I went to seven different churches in one year. I settled on Living Enrichment Center. They seemed to be loving, non-judgemental, and offered a positive message, rather than negative.

Little did I know, again this was still the wrong direction. In that same yar I met Reed, in the dust of a baseball diamond watching my then eight year old son play ball. Reed had a special quality about him. He also had some very strange relationships. There was obviously his son, (also on the baseball team) but the mother of the same son, and she with her new husband, and they all seemed to be friends.

Now, I had been through divorce , and it was anything but friendly. So at one of the games Reed and I ended up talking. We shared the devastation that divorce had caused in our lives. To make a long story short, one day he left tracts on my coffee table. I wish I still had them, so I could know exactly what it said, but it spoke to me about a lifetime of hurt, turned into good. It gave me the best promises I'd ever heard in my life. So on July 12th, 1989, all by myself, I gave my life to Christ. It was so personal I really didn't want to make it a public display, however, I don't judge the people who go up when there is an alter call. I absolutely love Billy Graham. I was there as a Chrristian in Portland, Oregon when he was at the Beavers stadium. It was awesome! So many souls saved.

Back to the saving of my soul, and to make another long story short, I married the man that led me to Christ. Reed also led me to what was the most perfect church for me as a new Christian to worship. The very first biblestudy I attended in that church was the study of the book of Acts.

My life has been anything but a walk in the park since becoming a Christ Believer. The one common thread however, is I'm no longer alone, and I'm learning to more and more just relax in His loving care. After being married for 10 years to Reed, one Saturday afternoon in April 1999, he collapsed with a brain aneurysm. He never recovered. There was too much brain damage. I was left with a huge financial mess, and three fully grown step children that felt they deserved more than what they were getting. I had to downsize big time, just to live.

I sold our big beautiful house in West Slope, and moved to the acreage we had planned on retiring to. It had a single wide trailer. God was still ever faithful. He had put circumstances together so that at this very time, I had Susannah living with me. She was a devote Christian young lady from China. She and I held each other up. She was my helpmate, friend and daughter.

Three weeks after burying my husband, I was in the hospital with thyroide cancer. Susannah made it possibnle for me to get through it. Not even my own children could have done what she did for me. We moved to the farm and she started school at Western Seminary, where she met her now husband. At her engagement party we had at the farm, she introduced me to one of her fellow classmates who had recently lost his wife. I told him if he needed someone to talk to, I was available, having lost my husband 10 months before. He ended up taking me up on my offer, and helped me gravel my road, and came out for dinner once in awhile.

Then in March, at a women's retreat, I was looking into the mirror of a brightly lit bathroom, and I noticed a little wrinkle in my breast. I felt it, and discovered in the deep tissue was a lump. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It turned out to be stage II, which meant I would need to have either a mastectomy or a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. I had said I would never remarry when I lost Reed. It was just too hard to learn to live with another person, let alone the opposite sex. However, my heart was totally melted by this wonderful Godly man that Susannah had brought into my life. I felt I could trust him no matter what...but how could he commit to me now? I had cancer, and he had lost the love of his life to cancer already, why would he take the chance on another? But he did. We went through it together. My husband and his sons gave me my life back. I believe, had it not been for them, I never would have gone through this battle with cancer. So, for that first year as a new family, we took the time to grieve the loss of both Reed and Lydia.

I am now eight years out from cancer, and no sign of it returning. Chris who was 5 when he came into my life is now 13 years old and thriving. When we got married, English was Chris' second language, but since I was dyslexic, I understood his struggles. I spent many hours playing mama bear, with him on my lap reading together. He is now a 4. student.

My husband is a chaplain at St. Vincent Hospital, the very place we both lost our partners. God really can and does take very bleak situations and turn them into good, if we remain faithful to Him.